Rest is a form of Resilience  

I dragged my body over the line at the end of 2022. Did anyone else feel that way? The pandemic was a very busy time for me with work, for which I am ultimately grateful as I am self employed, but I ended up more depleted than I’ve ever been from work, and I used to be a secondary school teacher. I know some folks think teachers are basically on a half day every day with many weeks off throughout the year, making teaching one continuous holiday to be enjoyed, but the teachers will appreciate my comparison! 

I remember feeling thoroughly worn out, as though I were a car that had been driven to maximum acceleration without any easing off on the pedal, until the engine just emptied. I felt both heavy and empty. 

As a business owner, I knew the drill, reflect on how the year went, and then project how much better you will do in the new year. Why is it that progress always needs to be about increasing the load, seeking ever greater returns, aiming bigger and higher with every milestone achieved? In Ireland, small businesses are consistently encouraged to scale and employ. You’re not succeeding unless you’re outwardly expanding, the perceived wisdom seems to imply. The HPSU – high potential start up – is lauded. The lifestyle business, not so much. Even the language ‘lifestyle business’ seems reductive, a bit soft and fluffy, not to be taken seriously. 

So I reflected – that was an unsustainable year in terms of work output, done in a manner that doesn’t ‘spark joy’, for I find no joy or work satisfaction in delivering and facilitating solely on zoom – and found the year to have been one I didn’t want to repeat. And as I considered increased projections for the year ahead, I felt a resistance take hold in me. Do I really want to push myself harder? To what end? So that when people ask me at a networking event if I’m busy that I can answer in the affirmative? Being busy seems to be the only acceptable goal in life. A way to measure and demonstrate to others your worth. 

What happens then when your ability to be busy gets taken away? Who are you then and how do you measure that? 

In February 2024, a cancer diagnosis stopped me in my tracks, and forced me to slow down. The next six months were a kind of dance, between my accepting rest and resisting rest. In the early weeks of recovery, when my body was only capable of sitting in a chair, I revelled in the unadulterated joy of spending the entire morning reading, without any guilt of time wasted or other things that were more important. I remember it as a lovely time, despite the physical discomfort, those hours wholly and delightfully immersed in a good book. I napped every afternoon, not because I was an indulgent lady of leisure, but because my body insisted on it. These were restorative naps, where my body immediately fell deeply into sleep so that it could rest, and heal. 

That period of actively and compassionately listening to my body was a revelation. Our incredible bodies let us know what they need, all they ask of us is to pay attention. Alas our attention is usually elsewhere, conditioned to keep doing by the pervasive grind culture we have all accepted as the norm. Do more to be more. Nope. The fundamental truth is much more basic and beautiful. You are enough just being human. As Trisha Hersey says in her book Rest is Resistance ‘’rest is radical because it disrupts the lie that we are not doing enough’’. 

Three months after my surgery and the cultural conditioning that your worth is dependent on your output had me stressing about what I should be doing, despite being energetically incapable of doing it. The struggle was a frustrating one. My embodied being wanted rest, while my socially conditioned brain thought I could be doing more. 

Couldn’t we always be doing more? I don’t believe that’s the right question. Should we be doing more? That’s a more nuanced question, including layers around goals, motivations, and purpose. 

Resilience is about how you recharge, not how you endure (Shaun Achor)

There’s often talk about work ethic. We may proudly talk about our own, or make judgments about someone else’s. We tend to value a strong work ethic, and I’m not saying we shouldn’t, but we must take care not to confuse the ‘performance of work’ with work ethic. In her new book Over Work Brigid Schulte says overworking is about performance and not productivity. She references ‘karoshi’, the Japanese term for death by overwork.

I lived in Japan twenty years ago, teaching in a very academic high school. I remember being baffled, and then frustrated by the teachers in my school, who seemed to be in constant competition to arrive at school first, and leave last. It was performative optics, not a strong work ethic. I watched teachers idly pass time between classes during the day, in a manner that seemed so inefficient to me, as they would easily be in school from 7am to 7pm. I came to realise that it was a work culture that I was watching, not a work ethic.  

When have you ever heard anyone proudly sharing their rest ethic? 

As a small business owner, the struggle is real to ever be truly at rest. Even when you learn to take weekends off, your inner critic refuses to allow you to fully enjoy that time, as it is annoyingly and persistently berating you for not doing enough, working hard enough, meaning you’re clearly not ambitious enough. And that’s only what you think about yourself, imagine what others are thinking?! 

It’s exhausting. 

We have Elon Musk and his ridiculous claim that he works 120 hours a week and you should too. It’s ridiculous, not because I think it’s not true, but because it is a terrible way to choose to live your life. Yes he’s on the extreme end of things, but why do we hold that end in higher esteem than the other end, those who choose to opt out of grind culture altogether and live a simpler and less materialistic life? 

Musk’s way is not sustainable. That level of consistent sleep deprivation is terrible for us, and has lasting and degenerative effects on our bodies and brains. Read Matthew Walker’s excellent book Why we Sleep to learn more. 

My friend Tim recently left a job in digital marketing to become a postman. He seemed sheepish telling us, his friends, as though we would think he had taken a step down on the imaginary ladder of life we are all perpetually on and climbing. Our immediate and sincere response was ‘that’s a great job’! Working IN REAL LIFE, in the outdoors, with flexibility and autonomy built in. Legitimately, what’s not to like? 

Ambition is subjective. Tim wanted more time with his two small children. 

Rest is Resilience because without rest, in mind, body and soul, you will be perpetually chronically stressed, overwhelmed, and even burnt out. 

Don’t lose your elasticity, your ability to bend but not break.